Someone recently pointed out that our journey to Rebirth or Transformation is not linear but circular. We don’t simply learn a lesson and move on, never to return. We learn a Truth, have an epiphany, in one set of circumstances and get thrown into another in order to see it from a different angle.
This was brought home to me recently when I used a guided meditation online. In the meditation, I was led to visit my Intuition. Intuition is often depicted as Feminine and I felt a great sense of love and acceptance from a part of my Inner Self. I found this to be quite healing and it changed my outlook substantially since I had already done much healing work in removing Negativity and quieting my Ego.
In this exercise it felt as if my Ego and Spirit were being introduced to each other. I had always viewed my spiritual journey as one of battling against my Ego and trying to overcome its “sinful” and self-defeating ways. I have been at war with myself ever since I had gotten “saved” in a little Pentecostal church before I was even 6 years old. Everything I did after that went under the scrutiny of whether or not it would send me to hell. Unfortunately, my Ego had a rich fantasy life and kept me busy asking for forgiveness before the Rapture took place. I was always looking for fault within myself and trying to earn “gold stars” in order to keep God and everybody else happy.
Some of this was simply my nature as a Life Path 7. Most of it, however, was a result of hyper-criticism combined with a need to be holier than anyone who walked the planet except for the Lord Himself. That, along with my ADD had kept me focused on everything but what I was supposed to be doing at the time. The bad thing was that I never caught on. I kept trying to fit into the corporate, normal, neuro-typical, 9 to 5 routine that every public-schooled, brick-in-the-wall kid I had grown up with was in. Soon I had a family to raise and I wasn’t going to put my kids through the horrors of public school that I had endured. But regular jobs and I just didn’t get along.
I’ve always seen my “being different” as a reason to hate myself. This meditation finally brought me together with my Higher Self and melted years of self-rejection. I had gone through all types of exercises from forgiveness to exorcism to try to heal my inner wounds. You will have to do some work before you can make this journey and see results. Forgiveness must be done. Confronting false beliefs and the stubbornness of the Ego has to be done. Some healing will have to transpire before the Spirit and Ego can unite.
I was tired before I set out on this Fool’s Journey. Since then I have been exhausted of all strength. With these meditations I feel like the war has ended. Maybe now I can focus my efforts elsewhere.
On another note, I took one of those tests on Facebook that reveals different aspects of one’s personality. This one had you click on a pearl to reveal your most dominant trait. My dominant trait turned out to be “Bravery”. During a couple of readings I had been told that a treasure was buried deep inside and that in the discovery of this treasure I would move forward rapidly. While posting the results, it dawned on me that this is a trait which I do possess but I have to be pushed up against the wall before it is seen. I realized that this is the treasure I’ve been waiting for! Lets get this party started!