No discussion of transformation would be complete without a mention of Shadow Work. This involves the integration of the Lower Self, or our base, human nature, into our spiritual development. The Lower Self and the Ego are often confused, a mistake that I must admit I commit regularly. The difference is that the Lower Self is actually a part of us while the Ego is a mask created by the mind to cover up for our base nature. As we grow, we learn to hide our emotions, repress feelings of guilt and shame, bottle up anger and frustration and even bend reality to fit into our doubts, fears and wishes. This is how the Ego is developed and how our Self becomes lost.
During this entire journey, I have been unable to shake a sense of sadness or depression no matter what I tried. I may have escaped it for a few hours at most after meditation or a positive interaction, but it would always return. But yesterday, after I had allowed myself to indulge in an unhealthy habit I had been fighting against, I noticed a difference. I had been batting around the ideas of the Ego and the Lower Self and I accepted this indulgence as simply part of the nature of my Lower Self. Not only did I not feel guilty, but I felt as if my dog had simply torn up a pillow or taken a crap in the floor. It was a peaceful, almost endearing kind of feeling. Something was different.
Gone was the drama, the guilt, the self-berating and shaming that had been a constant for as long as I could remember. I felt good. I was at Peace. I couldn’t understand what was different. I hadn’t learned anything that I didn’t already know. I then realized that my Ego had been a receptacle and dispensory for negativity. It was all about drama, false beliefs, false prophesies. It was its own religion. But now, more importantly, it was gone. Finally!
I felt lighter, happier, free. It was as if a dark cloud had lifted.. I can’t explain it. It was just a matter of time for everything to finally come together. I can deal with my Lower Self because I don’t have the Ego spewing out guilt, shame and paranoia. Of course I can’t indulge in my lower desires and fantasies whenever I wish, but I am aware of my lower nature, Negative Energy and consequences. The need to get neurotic or shameful about it is simply gone. I’m sure there will be more onion skins to peel back, but for now, I am whole and I have Peace.